An award! :D

WARNING: I am having major issues today with formatting in this post so please ignore.. Sorry!

A few days weeks ago, the lovely Carolyn @ Life, Love and Puppy Prints gave me my very first blog award!! I am so incredibly excited! :) I had planned to do this post about 3 weeks ago but then this happened, followed by this, and then followed by THIS.  So, I've been a bit distracted. I'm finally getting around to posting about this and I hope you will all go check out Carolyn's blog if you haven't already!

There are some rules to this award.

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.

2. Share seven things about you.

3. Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs.

4. Let your nominees know about the award!

1) Caroyln - Thank you for this award! It was so sweet of you to think of me!

 2) 7 Things about me..? 

1) My absolute favorite role in life right now is being an Auntie.  My niece and nephew are the most beautiful kiddo's around and I am not biased :)

2) I am totally a Daddy's girl.  My dad never missed a sporting event of mine growing up and I'd always look for him before a game to make sure he was there.  The first game  he missed I was 18 and I cried like a big baby. 

3) Mr. has made me the happiest I've ever been. I feel so blessed to have him in my life and in 9 short months to be able to say that I am his wife.

4) I am a total type A personality (read: control freak) and I really can't help it.  I hate spontaneity and always want to know the plan! This has made me not go out on many occasions because at 9PM my girls don't know what the plan is.. I always opt out. I have to know that there is a plan.

5) My Grandma is my favorite person over the age of 6.  Honestly, she's the most amazing, kind hearted, funny, and giving person I have ever known. I feel so blessed that I have the relationship with her that I do have. 

6) I am not crafty by any means. I can create these beautiful images and crafts in my head but I can never execute them like I had visioned. This frustrates me to no end.. Go back and read number 4 to figure out why! :)

7) I am the type of person that says what I'm thinking when I am thinking it.  This blog will definitely reflect that. I at times will seem like a bitch, or even an idiot, but I am who I am. Take it or leave it. 

3) Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs!

1) Mellisa @ Diary of a Blonde Bob

2) Chelsea @ Hello Miss Chelsea

3) MacKenzie @ Isle 12 

4) Lyndsey @ It's a Love Story Baby Just Say Yes

5) Aimee @ Life as an Oakes 

6) AMS @ Love 3000 Miles Apart 

7)  Dani @ Ok, Dan

8) Nicole @ Seaside Smitten 

9) Jenn @ The Southern Blonde

10) Rachel @ Observations of a Token Yankee 

11) Mrs. Hesson @ Meet the Hesson's

12) Lauren @ Blue Grass Love 

13) Amber @ The Survival Guide for Young, Fabulous & Newlywed

14) Smart & Sassy @ Smart & Sassy with Sprinkles

15) Sarah @ Sarah Elizabeth 

Not all of the above are newly discovered blogs for me but a mixture of newly discovered and blogs that I look forward to reading daily. I hope you can find interest in some of the blogs listed above as well! 

The Shred.

My entire life I've been an athlete.  I played Varsity softball all through out high school and I even ran Cross Country to keep me in shape in the off season. I pitched so I actually practiced year round 4-6 days per week. However, I am totally the type that hates the gym and needs someone to make me follow through with a resolution to work out.  So I'm asking all of you to help hold me accountable for what I'm about to endure.

source

Tonight, I will be starting the 30 Day Shred.  The last time I tried this I lasted three days. Pathetic. I am determined though to start the Shred and stick to it for 30 days and I will post my results and reviews weekly. I have heard and read nothing but positive things about the Shred. My goal is to not lose pounds but to gain muscle mass and tone my tummy, arms and thighs! Before I stopped playing softball I never thought about needing to work out. I was always in great shape and softball kept me fit. Now, I may not look like I'm in horrible shape but I am and I'd like to be able to run a few miles without sounding like I'm having an asthma attack! I think the Shred is the first step in the right direction for me. 

I found several before and afters online and I'll admit that I'm impressed.

Have you tried the Shred? Did you like it? Did you see results quickly? What is your work out routine and how to do you stick to it?

Oil Cleansing Method..

I have recently been reading a lot on the blogs about the Oil Cleansing Method and am pretty curious to try it. Amber has blogged about it here, and here.  To me it sounds like an awesome alternative to expensive facials. I have never talked about my skin on this blog but I'm going to now. 

I don't have terrible skin. I have never had serious acne and I'm thankful for that but I do have seriously dry skin, large pores, and many black heads. Reading that this method has helped alleviate black heads, clean pores and eventually reduce the size of pores is very appealing to me.  Then to hear that it also controls oily and dry skin sent me to the moon. A natural way to do help with all of my skin issues? Sign me up! 

I was so read to go figure out which oils to use and get started until I started reading about OCM purging... I have 2 weddings and a trip to palm springs planned in the next few weeks and I'm not going to be comfortable if the OCM suddenly sends me into the purging stage right before the weddings or our trip. So for now, I'm going to hold off on the OCM. I do intend to try it in a few weeks though.

Have you tried the OCM? Did you like it? Did you experience purging? I'm curious to hear more about it!

One sweet day..

I have not slept much since we lost Amber.  In fact I've hardly slept at all. I am getting through the days with less break downs as each day goes on. Yesterday I only cried 4 times during my work day and one of the 4 was on my lunch hour so it doesn't count. I cried a lot last night though. I talked to my Grandma and we both cried. One of my Aunt's pointed out that this is the first tragedy our family has faced.  This is the first time we've lost someone so young. Someone we grew up with and someone that was part of our everyday lives.

The numbness is starting to fade but I still can not concentrate. I'm not sure if that's because I am exhausted or if it's because I am grieving.. Probably both.

This afternoon I have plans to go home and have a nice bottle glass of wine followed by a nice long bath and then tuck myself into bed and just sleep. I need sleep. I want sleep but I haven't been able to sleep.  I've tossed and turned every night this week. I've cried myself to sleep but I only sleep for an hour or two at a time. Then I wake up and realize this is still not a night mare and I do it all over again.

Amber's daughter is doing as well as she can be.  She understands that her mommy is not coming back.  She understands that she will not see her mommy again in this life time. She has been told though that this is not good bye forever and that her mommy will be waiting for her when it is her turn to be with God.

One Sweet Day

 
Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away

Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
Alive

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the wayAnd I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Darling I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared


Although the sun will never shine the same again
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say

I'll see you again someday.

I have tried to figure out how I would write this post and honestly my thoughts and feelings can not be put into words.  This week has been extremely hard for me and for my family.

My beautiful cousin Amber lost her 11 year battle with Lupus on Monday July 19, 2010 at 5:42PM EST.

Amber lived her life to the fullest.  She loved her 4 year old daugher, Amaya more than anything in this world and Amber's legacy will live on through that baby girl.

 I am still in a state of shock.  I still feel as if this is just a horrible dream that I will wake up from tomorrow.  Everything in life right now seems surreal. I am at peace with the fact that Amber is no longer in pain. I know that she is with God and that he is holding her tight now.  I know that she is dancing in Heaven to her favorite rap songs and she's probably already met Tu-Pac and Biggy Smalls by now. I know that she is looking down on all of us saying "Smile, laugh, be happy.. I am doing great!"

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Amber,

I will always cherish all the holiday's we shared and all of the love and laughter you have brought into my life. I can not imagine what Christmas will be like this year with out you. I honestly don't want to imagine. I promise that I will request my mom's brocolli cheddar soup and her chocolate chip pies each and every Christmas.  Although, I know you have both in heaven. I'm sure it tastes even better up there. I promise that Amaya will know how much you loved her. I am so thankful to Damien for making you so incredibly happy your last 10 months here with us. I know how much you love him and I know he loves you too. There is not a minute that goes by that I'm not thinking of you.  I'll admitt that I've been incredibly shelfish with your passing.  I want you here. I cry. I cry a lot. We all cry a lot but I hope you know how glad we are that you're no longer in pain.  We also know that you're in a much better place.  I know you're looking over us too and trying to help us heal.  In the mean time please forgive us for being selfish and sad.  

I know this is not good bye but rather I'll see you later.

Sleep tight beautiful angel.

I love you!

Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.

The only thing that gives me hope,

Is I know I'll see you again some day.