Friday, July 23, 2010

One sweet day..

I have not slept much since we lost Amber.  In fact I've hardly slept at all. I am getting through the days with less break downs as each day goes on. Yesterday I only cried 4 times during my work day and one of the 4 was on my lunch hour so it doesn't count. I cried a lot last night though. I talked to my Grandma and we both cried. One of my Aunt's pointed out that this is the first tragedy our family has faced.  This is the first time we've lost someone so young. Someone we grew up with and someone that was part of our everyday lives.

The numbness is starting to fade but I still can not concentrate. I'm not sure if that's because I am exhausted or if it's because I am grieving.. Probably both.

This afternoon I have plans to go home and have a nice bottle glass of wine followed by a nice long bath and then tuck myself into bed and just sleep. I need sleep. I want sleep but I haven't been able to sleep.  I've tossed and turned every night this week. I've cried myself to sleep but I only sleep for an hour or two at a time. Then I wake up and realize this is still not a night mare and I do it all over again.

Amber's daughter is doing as well as she can be.  She understands that her mommy is not coming back.  She understands that she will not see her mommy again in this life time. She has been told though that this is not good bye forever and that her mommy will be waiting for her when it is her turn to be with God.

One Sweet Day
Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away

Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Darling I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared

Although the sun will never shine the same again
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say


  1. Holy Moley, I'm so sorry for your loss. ((BIIG HUUG))

    Let the greiving do what it will, and you'll slowly find yourself getting back to "normal"

    My prayers are with you and your family.

  2. This is so sad.. I read the previous post too. I'm really sorry for your families loss! I hope you're starting to find some peace.